If I could tell Josh one thing right and know that he fully understood it it would be , "I know you and I love you". I tell him I love him atleast 50 times a day, and I'm not exaggerating. Which he always responds by flashing me a huge grin. What I want Josh to understand is I know him. I get him and understand him! He doesn't have to learn how to talk and I know him and we will still be able to communicate back and forth. The beauty I find in Josh is everyone he meets and builds a relationship with, it's a soul connection. If people take the time to KNOW him, it is a relationship unlike any other they may have. I want to give you some examples of how I communicate with Josh.
As I said before I tell him I love him often. I really can't help it! I look at him and tell him, kiss him and tell him, put him to sleep and tell him. Whether it's the first or fiftieth time I've said it he gives me a big grin. I remember one morning he woke up and instead of just jumping into our routine I decided to sit down and rock him for a couple minutes. Well at one point he nuzzled up to me and gave me a really small smile. In that moment I felt that soul connection and I knew if he could talk he would be telling me he loved me, so I said I love you too. My eyes filled with tears as he smiled at me and grabbed my hand. He may not tell me but he shows me what he's feeling often.
Josh is a smart boy and he's learning slowly how to show his feelings. It's definitely not as easy for him as it is for us since we can just say how we are feeling. But that is why I want to tell him I know him. He is understood and I think it's so important for him to know that. I love that since having Josh I have learned how to look deeper. It is really difficult having a child that is so far nonverbal and may always be. But I have already learned how to communicate with him and in learning how to do this it's helped my relationships with other people.
So Josh Carter, I know you and I love you. I love every bit of you and I give thanks to God everyday that He brought you into your father's and my life. When I hear this verse I think of you,
Psalm 37:23 "The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives."
Josh, there may be some people who don't understand you or even some people that never try, but I know that the people who do will cherish every detail of you. You will touch their hearts and change their lives. Im glad I get to watch that happen! I'm grateful to be your mommy and see your heart and personality blossom. I love you Josh Carter!
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